Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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