I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
