everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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