he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we're making bets on your personal life
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
