TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
