I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
