Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
