her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize