my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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