What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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