Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
