So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
