She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
