Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
