when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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