he wants to bone in the snuggie
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
