I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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