im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Alive.
So much puke
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
