did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize