My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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