Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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