you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize