hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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