Please, let me fuck your mom
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
