Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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