false alarm. still invincible.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
