Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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