Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
