That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
