I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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