I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just google imaged poop.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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