Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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