I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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