I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
