He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
