So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
