Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
