problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
