You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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