When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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