Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
