I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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