i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
