If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
