If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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