Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
