I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
