You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
