I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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