She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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