he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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