I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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