I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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