saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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