remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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