i already hear my dad disowning me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
