i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
