i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
