I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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