I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
