I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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