I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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