he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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