Pants 0. Shit 1.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
time to smoke my breakfast
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
a search helicopter?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
