now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize