explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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