Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
