someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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