do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
