hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
