Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
